'I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen'. This quote from Ernest Hemingway demonstrates the power of listening which, in a bustling and noisy world, is not used enough.
Powerful listening goes beyond merely hearing words to truly understanding and connecting with others. As a coach, this is key to my practice, but listening is also important for leaders, or individuals striving for meaningful relationships with friends and family. Listening deeply can enhance our interactions in many different environments, whether with our family or in a work place.
So why enhance your listening skills? Genuine listening shows that you value and respect the speaker, which builds trust. When people feel heard, they are more likely to collaborate and engage with you. Giving the speaker space to talk without interrupting, gives them thinking space (if you want to know more about creating space to think, I recommend Nancy Kline's 'Time to Think'), giving you a better understanding of their perspectives, needs and emotions. This allows you to respond more empathetically and effectively, which is especially useful in difficult conversations where there might be conflicting viewpoints.
Effective listening also enables us to gather all the necessary information, leading to more accurate and thoughtful problem-solving. It helps in uncovering underlying issues and finding the best solutions.
Here are 5 steps to start put this into practice....
Be present, give the speaker your full attention. Maintain eye contact, showing you are fully engaged in the conversation. Remove distractions (such as you phone, turn off notifications) to help you to achieve this.
Practice active listening, by understanding the emotions and intentions behind what is being said, rather than just hearing the words. Nod and smile to encourage them to continue speaking, showing them you are actively listening. Patience is key!
Ask Open-Ended Questions to encourage deeper conversation. This may take a little practice! Instead of asking questions that elicit yes/no answers, ask questions that require more elaborate answers, such as "How did that make you feel?" or "What do you think about this situation?"
Reflect and Clarify: Reflecting back what you’ve heard shows that you are paying attention and helps ensure you’ve understood correctly. Phrases like "What I’m hearing is..." or "It sounds like you’re saying..." can be very effective.
Empathise: Be curious rather than judgemental as you listen. Put yourself in the speaker’s shoes to try and understand their feelings and perspectives. More often than not, we judge a situation from our own perspective. This is not about you and how you see it, it is about understanding their viewpoint! This approach helps you to responding compassionately.
Listening is an art that can transform your relationships and interactions. It enables an environment of trust, empathy, and collaboration. By honing your listening skills, you can become more effective as a leader and/or an individual, capable of inspiring and supporting those around you. Here's to better improved conversations as you develop better listening!